Why OutStraight.net Exists

Q: What is the purpose of this site?
A: This site provides discussion and insight into an emerging but still ignored segment of the GLBT community-- men who formerly identified as gay but have evolved into a bisexual or even heterosexual identity.

Q: I seem to remember a site a while back called yestergay.info.  This site is a copycat!
A:  No, not a copycat.  An update.  I created yestergay.info a few years back and let's just say it was a work in progress.  Issues with Yahoo prevented the site from remaining up.  The yestergay.info domain has since expired and has been snatched up by a cybersquatter.  So I chose OutStraight.net because I felt it was forward-looking, as opposed to yestergay.info, which is backward-looking.   It's still the same site with the same philopsophy-- and yes, the same erotic stories you know and love.

Q: Aren't there plenty of sites on the internet that address bisexual issues?
A: Sure there are.  However, a majority of them are geared toward men and women who have lived predominately heterosexual lives and who have discovered their latent homosexual tendencies. Historically, this has been the most common bisexual model.  Twenty years ago, gay people came out in their late 20s or in their 30s (on average).  Coming out at that age usually involves having to deal with not only parents and siblings but also husbands, wives, and children.  The multitude of bisexual websites tend to address the issues that deal with the difficult challenges that people in those situations face.

However, over the past couple of decades, people have started to come out at a much earlier age. Today, it is very common for gays and lesbians to come out in their early 20s or even in their teens.  These people avoid living the "scripted" hetero life and live an openly gay, lesbian, or bisexual life.  So what is happening is an emergence of men and women who have been living predominately homosexual lives who discover bisexual or heterosexual tendencies.  If it can happen to married men and women living straight lives, it can certainly happen in reverse.  This site addresses the special concerns of people who are facing these issues.

Q: Quite frankly, I'm offended by the notion that a gay person can become totally straight.  You say that you are not an ex-gay site yet you have some material that clearly deals with gays leaving the gay lifestyle and turning straight.
A: Are you offended by stories and discussion about straight people who discover their gay tendencies and afterward live a predominately or exclusively gay lifestyle?  If not, then why does it offend you when there is discussion about gays and lesbians turning predominately or exclusively heterosexual?  On one hand, you have gay purists who believe that sexual orientation is innate, fixed, and unchangable.  Any suggestion to the contrary is "anti-gay" or "gay-bashing".  On the other hand, you have "ex-gay" groups who believe that anything short of heterosexuality is wrong and the only way you can "change" is through religious conversion.  This site challenges both notions head-on.  Alot of people who fall into one of those two camps are going to be offended.  If you believe either of those things, this site is probably not for you.

Another thing to consider is that traditionally, women have always been free to move through various sexual orientations without a whole lot of notice. You would probably never consider saying unpleasant things to a lesbian who finds herself prefering men as she gets older.  Men, on the other hand, are expected to be either gay or straight, "choose" one and then stick to it.  This is a double standard.

Q: This sounds alot like Anne Heche and Julie Cypher, who dumped their lesbian celebrity partners for men.  You guys are backsliders who are just trying to be straight because the world can't accept your gayness.
A: This is exactly the kind of thinking that makes this site absolutely necessary.  Anne Heche (former partner of comedian Ellen DeGeneres) and Julie Cypher (former partner of singer Melissa Etheridge) are two women who got alot of media attention because they showed the world that gay people can and do form romantic relationships with members of the opposite sex.  They make gay people uncomfortable because they challenge the notion that homosexuality is something that is fixed and unchangable.  Because of this, it is much more difficult for self-identified gay people to come out of a "second" closet and admit that they are bisexual or heterosexual.  We desperately need more media attention to people like Anne Heche and Julie Cypher and alot less attention to the so-called ex-gay ministries, which are damaging and destructive on so many levels.


Q: Does your site have a personals board so I can hook up with other bi men?  How about gay porn?  I’m new to all this “gay” stuff and I’m a little curious as to what it’s all about.
A: No, No, and No.  This site is meant for the other end of the “bi-curious” equation.  If you want gay personals and porn, there are many sites out there that are more suitable for you. Check out the Links section for more information. Any erotic material and discussion on this site is male-female because that is the part of our sexuality that we are exploring.  

Q: How are you guys any different than those Exodus International or NARTH losers?
A: Sexual orientation is not something that can be consciously changed.  It is not a choice.  The only choice involved is whether you want to be true to yourself or whether you want to live according to labels-- either self-imposed or imposed by society.  NARTH, Exodus, and other so-called "ex-gay" ministries believe that a person can change their sexual orientation through religious conversion.  Where they fail is in their disregard of bisexuality.  Many gay men seeking the help of these "ministries" are in fact men who are discovering their latent opposite-sex desires and looking for an outlet to share their thoughts and feelings.  The so-called "successes" of Exodus and their ilk are in fact bisexual men.  Wouldn't it be much more healthy for these men to have a place (either on the web or in real-time) to turn where the focus is on personal acceptance rather than "change"?

Q: Exodus and others claim to have been successful in changing gays to become straight.  Isn't your site simply a re-packaging of their concept-- perhaps minus the religious aspects?
A: Once again, the focus of this site is people who want to learn to accept themselves as they are-- be it bisexual or heterosexual (yes, a few gay people do actually turn straight).  If you are gay-idenitified and want to remain so, then this site is probably not going to be of much use to you.  We are not advocating that gay people seek to change their orientation.  We are here only to acknowledge that sexual orientation is a fluid part of our sexuality and that for some people it does shift-- and for some more than others.

Q: What causes homosexuality?
A: I don't know and quite frankly I don't care.

Q: I've heard that homosexuality is caused by over-identifying with our mother and rejecting all that is masculine.  Do you believe this?
A: This is NARTH-speak based on bad science and psychology of questionable validity. A theory similar to this was proposed by Sigmund Freud that said that homosexuality results from a domineering mother and a weak father.  NARTH and others have added their own twists to this heavily outdated and discredited theory. 

Q: So then if homosexuality and bisexuality are not a choice and not caused by how we are raised, then why can't we just accept ourselves as we are?
A:  That's exactly why this site is here! Once again the purpose here is self-acceptance and NOT change from one orientation to another.  But here's where we differ from the "mainstream" gay philosophy:  We believe that just as it is possible for heterosexuals to come out of the closet and accept their homosexual desires and feelings, it is also  possible for gay men to accept emerging or latent heterosexual desires.  While I do not believe that our orientation is a choice, I also do not believe that it is genetic, innate, or unchangable.  Human beings are very complex.  So too is our sexuality.