Why Exodus, NARTH, and other "reparative therapy" organizations are dangerous


If you are visiting this site, it may be for one of two reasons:  The first is that you have self-identified as gay or lesbian but realize that you have opposite-sex desires and attractions and are looking for a place to go to interact with others experiencing the reverse coming out process.  You're here because you didn't choose your orientation, it chose you.  And it just so happened that something funny happened along the way-- you realized weren't quite as gay as you thought you were.  Maybe in your case it really was just a phase after all.

The second reason you may be here is because you feel shame or guilt with regards to being gay.  Deep down you feel there is something wrong with you.  You may be unable to reconcile the gay lifestyle with your religious beliefs.  Maybe you're here because the gay life doesn't seem to offer the opportunities for marriage and family life that the straight life does.  Maybe you feel rejected by gay society and in your own passive-agressive way, you in turn want to reject everything gay.  There are organizations out there that capitalize on these kind of sentiments and seek to "cure" homosexuality using theories that are outdated by several decades or more.

Can homosexuality be changed?  Yes, I believe it can.  If heterosexuals can become homosexual, then certainly the reverse can happen as well.  But any group that aims to "cure" homosexuality bases their ideology on the assumption that homosexuality is a disease or "condition" that requires a cure.  If you don't like your black hair, you simply dye it blond.  But to say that blond hair dye is the cure for black hair is to assume that having black hair is something that is undesirable and should be changed.   Therefore, if you have black hair, changing your hair color to blond is the "right" thing to do. If you fail, you fall back into "wrongness".

That is the overall philosophy of so-called reparative therapy:  That being gay is unnatural and undesirable and heterosexuality is the only natural way to live your life.   Reparative therapy is in many ways similar to Alcoholics Anonymous:  It requires that you declare your life to be unmanageable.  It requires that you have a "sponsor" to be accountable to prevent you from "acting out".  Most importantly, it requires that you submit to a higher power.  In all cases, the motivating factor behind reparative therapy is guilt.  You are made to feel guilty for having same-sex desires and even more guilty for acting on them.  Success is based on either changing your orientation or at least not acting on it.  Failure is based on reverting to same-sex desires.

This site is designed for people who may have a desire to change their sexual orientation for whatever reason.   But obviously, not everyone can-- or even should-- do that.  If you explore your opposite-sex desires and discover that being gay is in fact your true nature after all, then you have learned an important truth about yourself and you are a better person for having done so.  Reparative therapy does not give you that option.  That is the reason why the failure rate is so high and also the reason why there is a high suicide rate among ex-gays.

Reparative therapy is rarely ever successful.  And the main reason is because those who sought change did so to satisfy the expectations of others: family, peers, God, etc.  People who truly do not want to be gay or who honestly feel in their hearts that the gay label is no longer fitting do not need any sort of therapy.  True formerly gay people do not feel the need to apologize for their past sexual orientation nor do they need someone to be accountable to lest they ever feel tempted to go back.

What true ex-gays do need is a good support system.  Hopefully, that can come from family or friends.  If not, this site is designed to help provide such an environment.  Hopefully, you can take what you read here and use it in real-time in the form of a social group.